Getting ready to go

I have a tour at MTI college in Sacramento for the cosmetology program, then later on at the Marinello school. 

The cosmetology courses at Sac City are already filled up, so I am looking into a few other schools in the area.  If I qualify for financial aid/loans I am definitely going to go. 

So tired of food/retail jobs.

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope - giants and 49ers

49ers
made for my boyfriend alex.
finished september 6th 2010




Giants
made for my boyfriend alex
finished august 20th 2010

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "hustla"

Hustla
Finished June 27th 2010

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope - made for my nephew

Brooklyn's Race
Finished April 9th
Made for my nephew Brooklyn for his 3rd birthday

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "Nathan and Oscar"

Nathan and Oscar
Finished April 2nd 2010
Sold to my cousin Marilyn
Price - $50.00

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "Snakey"

Snakey
Finished March 30th 2010

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope - made for my grandpa and grandma

Unnamed number 2
Finished march 17th 2010
made for my grandma and grandpa

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes - Made for my nieces and nephew (x4)

Strawberry Shortcake
Finished March 13th 2010
Made for my niece Isla

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "birds of paradise" made for my boyfriend Alex's mom

Finished February 28th 2010

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes - 2 sold to my boyfriend's friend

Dom's Princess
Finished beginning 2010
Price - $50.00

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes - Paige and Isla's Unicorns

Finished January 24th and 27th 2010
Made for my twin nieces Paige and Isla.

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "peace and love"

Finished January 22nd 2010
Made for my friend nellie

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "hustler honey"

Finished January 6th 2010

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes last 3 from 2009

Faeries
Made for my boyfriend's friend's daughter Natalia
Finished December 2009

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes - 2 for my boyfriend Alex

Bay Area
Finished October 2009




Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
Finished October 8th 2009

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "sea life" made for my boyfriends mom.

Sea Life
Made for my boyfriend, Alex's, Mom.
Finished September 20th 2009

My Artwork : Kaleidoscope "one Love"

One Love
Finished in March 2009

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes from 2007 to 2008

Tropical Dreams
Finished December 12th 2008

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes in 2005 and 2006

Koi Lagoon
Finished February 16th 2006

My Artwork : Kaleidoscopes from 2000 to 2004

Tied up in Knots
Made as my graduation present in June 2004.

Lawls

So, a few weeks ago, I mentioned that my boyfriend was considering visiting his ex under the terms of her giving him money.

Melodramatic.com

My other blogsite is Melodramatic.com

Reasons why I'm there:

1. Organization.  I can organize folders for different themes.  (pictures, problems, life, boy issues, ect.)
2. Privacy.  Each of those folders can be one of the following. Public, Friends Only, and Private.
3. Because when you post something public, its put on the front page (not the whole entry but your name and the title of the entry), my site gets a lot of traffic.  Which is great when I want some advice on something, or just need some extra love.
4. Touches/Bangs.  Similar to facebook's "likes" 1 bang = 10 touches.  
5. All based on a points (karma) system, which gives me more motivation to use it.  More karma, more benefits and touches.
6. Pretty easy to use.
7. Comments are easily found, always have a notification.
8. You can have as many folders as you like.
9. Everything is "clean" looking.  Organized and such.

I hate everything about how I look.

So, I have been thinking a lot about my looks lately.

And so far, I hate it all (for the most part).  yeah, I have natural big tits, and I have a big ass.  But thats all I feel I have going on for me.

(keep reading for in depth detail on why I hate why I look.)

Wall-E my not so widdle kittums

I've had Wall-E since May 11th-ish. He was such a cute little kittums. <3
He's now 10lbs, 6 months old

 

Reno, August 2009

Austin, Allison, Ant, Alex and Me.

San Francisco 2009

April 2009, when alex was in jail and I was with his friends.



Melissa, Bobs, Me, and Linda

☆ Pictures of Brittney and I 2006 to 2007

☆ Pictures from My grandpas funeral. May 25th 2010

☆ Pictures Christmas 2008

Pictures from Christmas 2008

☆ Pictures of Me and My Boyfriend, Alex

Our One Year Anniversary March 21st 2010

☆ Pictures from September 14th 2010

☆ Pictures from July 2010, damn my ass looks good hahaha

but my arm is too brown, and my legs are too white. curse living in california and always driving and never being a passenger.

☆ Pictures from 2009

☆ Pictures from 2008

☆ Pictures from 2007

☆ Pictures from 2006

☆ Pictures from 2005

Sex, Drugs, and Drinking. Celebrating my 21st right. 07/07/07

I know he cares.

Everyone is telling me how my boyfriend is an asshole, and how I should end it.  They just don't know him like I do.  They don't know every detail in our relationship, and don't know that its different than anything they could possibly imagine.

They don't see the Alex I do.  The Alex that is shut in, and doesn't like expressing himself, but the Alex that does anyways....




90+ reasons he is with me. (thats 85 more than he's given any other girl)

Self Conscious

Ok, so I've been feeling really self conscious lately. Like, I have a pudge. I know, how horrible. I know I'm not overweight or anything, I get the pudge when I'm sitting. I know every girl has that unless you're a fucking twig *jealous of the no sitter-pudge, but eat a fucking cheeseburger bitch*

Even when I weigh less I still have that damn pudge, and I hate it. Ugh I want it to go away.

In 2007, I was 105 and I looked hot. Now I'm 115, 10 lbs more, still good looking, just not at my goal weight.

*sigh*

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now and I really don't know about us.

I knew how he was going into the relationship. i knew he was cold and distant, and that he didn't show his emotions. His friends all say how he would never kiss his girlfriends, or hold their hands like he'd do with me.

In the beginning it was so different. He always kissed me, hugged me, and was affectionate. Now, he doesn't do those things anymore. Now when he kisses me I have to ask for one. He doesn't just do it anymore. We don't have sex often. I know he isn't getting it elsewhere, he doesn't have time to cheat on me.

I know its who he is, but I wonder what changed. I wonder if he's lost interest in me or what. Or maybe doesnt find me attractive anymore. Or maybe I'm just not good enough in the sexual sense.

I know he still cares, he's not the type of person to stay with someone just because. If he didn't care, he'd have already left. But what changed...

I know he's been talking to his ex (they were together for 5 years, she thought he was cheating, he wasn't, she tried stabbing him). I know he isn't cheating on me with her, because she's in colorado. But he plans on visiting her. He says its just to get money and shit from her he wants. I know its who he is, he uses girls to get what he wants.

I just dont know what to do. I love this guy beyond all things, and I want it to be how it used to be...

any advice?

Everyone says that I'm beautiful, I just don't see it....

Everyone says how beautiful I am.

I just don't see it sometimes. I know I have big tits, and a nice ass, but thats all I feel I have going for me at times.

I feel nothing but fat lately. I know I'm not, but I still feel fat. Even when I lose weight, my tummy is still fat. Crunches and working out does nothing for it, I still have my pudge and I hate it. I hate having that pudge across my stomach. When i look at my body, its all I see.

The one thing making me feel so hideous is my nose. When I was younger, one of my mom's tweaker friend's kids broke my nose. And it was never fixed, so now I have a bump on my nose and I absolutely hate it. Not only is it an eyesore, but it also causes me pain. Yet, it isn't covered under anyone's insurance.... I looked into it, and it is going to cost 10 grand to fix. I'll be having the surgery in the next few years (sadly won't be able to get it done until my grandmother passes and i get my inheritance). Or if I am able to get a job as a dancer somewhere, I can start saving up every penny to do the surgery.

I hate being short, I have stubby legs and stubby arms.

I hate that I have scars all over from the many surgeries I've had over the years.

I just want one day where I feel beautiful without wearing makeup...

August 31st, 2010

Its been 2 weeks since my boyfriend and i last had sex. I really don't know what is going on with us...

I don't know if I should be worried or what.

I know he isn't cheating on me. He doesn't get the chance to cheat, nor the time alone. Either he's at work, or he's home with me.

Then that just makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong, or not doing something right. I don't know what to do. By us not being physical or intimate, I wonder if he is attracted to me, or if he's lost interest in me. I know he's stressed out about money and bills, but I mean 2 weeks... its a long time.

I know sex isn't the only thing that makes a relationship, but it is an important aspect of it.

I don't know whether I should just wait for him to be in the mood, or if I should just just make the first move or what? I don't even know what I would do to try to initiate it.

He's just seemed to lose interest in sex all together.

Anyone with some advice?