I hate everything about how I look.

So, I have been thinking a lot about my looks lately.

And so far, I hate it all (for the most part).  yeah, I have natural big tits, and I have a big ass.  But thats all I feel I have going on for me.

(keep reading for in depth detail on why I hate why I look.)




I'm short.  4foot 10 and 3/4 inches.

I'm pudgy.  I weigh between 116 and 120.  The only time I was thin was when I was 21, and on drugs.  Sometimes I consider going back to using just to be thin again.

I hate my nose.  When I was younger, my nose was broke, and I never got it fixed.  I have a bump, and thats all I can think of when I look at myself in the mirror.

I even hate my tits.  yeah, I have natural 34d or 34dd (fredericks and victoria secret tells me I'm 34dd).  But so what? I can't go a day without some sort of bra or support.  Even if its a shirt with that self bra bullshit, I still need to wear a bra.  I, personally, think girls look better with a smaller chest.  They can wear so many more shirts and have their tits look right with no bra.

I hate my hands.  My middle finger is thick and boxy from surgery when I was 3, and I have a scar on it.  My other middle finger is slightly bent.  My pinky fingers are slightly curved.  I always want to get my nails done, but I feel it will attract too much attention to my hands, so I don't.

I hate my arms.  My right arm is about an inch and a half shorter than my left, and I have a bump on my elbow.  I have a big ass scar on my forearm (ulna lengthening), I have a scar on my wrist (surgery from when it was at a 90 degree angle), and I have a scar on my elbow (they tried removing the bump, but it wasn't all the way removed).

I hate my tummy.  I have always been pudgey.  Even when I was thin, I still had a pudge.  I've tried working out, eating right, excersizing.  Nothing helps it.  Its still there.  I look okay when I'm standing, but as soon as I sit, all I can think of and look at is my pudge.

I hate my legs.  My right leg is shorter than my left, just like with my arms.  My knees, I feel are too pudgy.  I had surgery on both of them, and still have bumps on my knees.  Not to mention the scars...

I hate just about everything about how I look....  And it causes a lot of insecurities. I'm always worried about my boyfriend leaving me for someone prettier.  Thinner.  Taller.  Without all the deformities.

People tell me I'm beautiful all the time, and I wonder what there motives for telling me that are.  I can't even fully accept a compliment.  I wonder what the catch is.

I've considered becoming a dancer, but then I doubt myself in getting the job.  I doubt that any one would hire me, and that it would be a waste of time.  I see girls in clubs, thin, taller than 5', with either big fake tits, or perky small tits.

I'm just all around an insecure person, and I hate it....